Natural Disaster
by OfNightWithMoon12
Summary: When do you know to let go before it becomes a disaster? Literati
1. Crash And Burn

**Author's Note:** I wrote this for a friend a while back; it has more to it, but I dunno if it's worth continuing to post it or finish it so feedback would be appreciated; it's sort of stream of consciousness interpretation (sorry if correct grammar is your obsessive passion) of Nag Hammadi where their thoughts are revealed at Jess's confession...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything...trust me, and this is my first fan. fict.

Rory is a frosh at Yale and still single, and Jess has been attempting to get a job in New York; Both are in Stars Hollow, Jess has been avoiding Rory all day until that night at the Firelight Festival.

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"Rory! Wait! Stop!" He ran, tumbling after her, uncertainty and butterflies bouncing around in his stomach as the reverberating sound of his converses on the slushy pavement matched his frantic heartbeats. They were both out of control, confused, tangled emotions driving both of them to the brink. She dived to the right and he paused, almost tripping into her as she took off in the other direction.

"No! You don't get to walk away. My town, I leave!" she heaved back at him and the words hit him in the chest as regret for bailing on her the past afternoon. She was terrified, confused, and vengeful; she wanted to hurt him over and over again the way he had hurt her, the aching feeling welling up in her insides. She wanted to scream at the sky, at him, at the town.

"I just wanna- Where are you going?" He needed to stop her, to make her understand him, why he had…why he couldn't….

"None of your business," she smartly threw back at him and charged past an ice cream vendor. Her legs ached; she couldn't keep this up much longer. If he would just leave her alone.

"We look like idiots," He blurted, his lame attempt to make her stop. Idiot, idiot, he thought to himself, why are you here? Why are you doing this?

"I don't care!" she shouted back, a heel snapping under pressure, but she kept running.

"Stop running," he yelled back, getting frustrated.

"Stop following," she retorted, like an angry child throwing a temper tantrum. He was getting frustrated with her, he just wanted to tell her….

"Oh come on!"

"Go away, I'm leaving," her anger flared up as she gave him an emotionless stare. There was nothing there, she didn't care about him anymore, he couldn't hurt her like he had. But then why was she running? Why was she afraid of facing him?

"Rory! Stop!" his voice fell into a gulp and he held it there on the edge of his throat. She wasn't going to stop.

"Why?" she sang back, an oblivious bird detached from reality in a game of tag.

"Because I want to talk to you!" If she wanted to fight with fire, then so could he; She stopped suddenly, building a wall, ready to toss back any blow he would throw at her,

"What? What did you want to talk to me about?" as he dashed in front of her, staring into her blue eyes, crystal pools of ice, blocking him out.

"Well…" She snapped.

"Where did you learn to run like that," he asked breathlessly, tiptoeing around the subject. She ignored his gentleness and shrugged off, "You know I have actually thought about this moment. A lot. What would Jess say to me if I ever saw him again…" The hurt, the anger, the pain was building inside her, seething and boiling at the back of her throat.

"I mean he just took off, no note, no call, nothing; how could he explain that?" She had her grip on him, twisting a verbal knife into his side over and over again as he continued to stare, heartbroken at the things he had done to her, that she had moved on from.

"And then a year goes by, no word, nothing, so he couldn't possibly have a good excuse for that, right?" She could barely breathe; it was all spilling out of her, into the cold night air. It felt good, right, satisfying as the people around her began to swirl until it was only her and Jess at the edge of the universe, her frozen glare into his hurt gaze.

"I've imagined a hundred different scenarios, with a hundred different great last parting lines, and I have to tell you that I-" She choked as her normal emotions came rushing back into her soul, but she held her vindictiveness and faced him as head-on as ever, "I am curious to see which way this is going to go!" There was silence and he hesitated, overwhelmed with having no control.

"Could we sit down?" he asked, meekly, the pain in his voice, how hard it was for him to face what he had done to her. His chocolate eyes were wide, surprised at her change.

"No, you wanted to talk, so talk!" She gestured at him, fists clenched. She wouldn't open up to him. There was no way; it was time to switch roles, it was time for her to be the uncaring one, the laidback one, it was time to break him, "What do you have to say to me?" She was done with this, this stupid game, him, their memories, fights, kisses, places, everything. The silence was there again, cutting his throat and her anger off, she could feel herself buckling.

He sighed, swallowing his pride, her pain, "I love you." The three words rang in her ears as the icy wall shattered, her eyes empathetic, and the ground came out from under her as she stared at him, taken back. Then he leaned in and kissed her, fire on ice, out-of-control, tumbling, whirling, reality spinning around them as she kissed back…she kissed back; why? He pulled her back to Stars Hollow and she could hear the chatter of people again and the bracing wind against her skin. Slowly, hebacked away from her; she had always broken their kisses before, but this time, he had surprised her by pulling away first.

She just stood there, confused, dazed, lost as he jumped into his car and revved the engine into gear. Speechless, she had to say something, hands clenched tightly together. But…what? He drove off past her, spinning her around as she stared off at his car disappearing down the street….until the front tire blew out and sent the car into a fire hydrant, cascading water onto the streets as every head turned, curious at what had just happened.

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No, he didn't die or anything melodramatic like that...just thought it would be funny since a lot of gilmore girls episodes are based on ending with some emotional shocker followed by a light-hearted gag or awkward, random action. thanks for reading...don't forget to review and tell me if I should continue or not


	2. Solitary Confinements

**Author's note:** Thanks for the responses, guys, so I have decided to continue as long as inspiration stays fresh. This is sort of a filler chapter about the beginning of the aftermath so I hope you enjoy

**Disclaimer:** still own nothing...

**Warning:** Language gets a little stronger in this chapter, but nothing else.

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Rory closed the door behind her, but her hand continued to clutch the knob. The whirlwind had led her to her house, and plopped her on her doorstep, leaving her to sort everything out in solitude. Everything seemed different, out of place in the house. She had never looked at the cramped living room through the arches this way before. It was a new angle, a new perspective she had never seen. Her feet ached inside her shoes and she desperately wanted to throw everything down and go jumping into her bed with some book she had read a million times. An old friend she could just toss the world out her window with. But no, she couldn't. It would remind her of him. The new, perplexing him that tore her in half with one side screaming for her to back away, the other hopeful that he had come back just for her.

Throwing her gloves on the small table near the front door, Rory stumbled through the kitchen to her room. She felt drunk, tipsy, air headed, floating above the tile floor. This new layout confused her and she felt as if she was stumbling through a maze. Rory had seen her room in the dark before, but this time, it was generically amorphous. It could be anyone's room at 11 p.m. God, it was only 11. Everything had happened so fast, a slurred memory of intense emotions; she would have to deal with it in the morning and figure out what to do, even though she knew that she would never let him in again. Like she had almost tonight; but he was stuck in town a couple of more days, because of that goddamn tire. Why couldn't he have just left like he was supposed to? Rory slipped into her room and slowly positioned herself on the bed, grabbing a pillow and staring at the dusty glass of her window. Sleep came quickly and her mind swelled with possibilities of what tomorrow might hold.

Jess had had it planned, the whole thing and he had waited two whole years to get the courage to say it to her in person. Sure, it seemed like the perfect moment; he would tell her and leave, but of course, the stupid car he came back to get turned out to be his downfall. Now, he was stuck in this goddamn town, the place he had tried so far to get away from, cold and wet in what felt like below zero weather. The car was dead and he doubted that it could have survived a crash like that. Jess sat by the bus stop, a place that probably had the only stability he had ever seen in his life.

The next bus wouldn't be here until six a.m.; and despite freezing his butt off, he would rather venture that then opposed to facing Luke again in another pointless argument. The bench did nothing to console his thoughts and although sleep waned in the back of his mind, Jess sat there, with a scowl on his face, determined not to fall asleep. The flower cart had been taken down already and the strung lines of streamers danced silently in the wind. The whine from the nearby streetlight began to take its toll on his already nervous mind and he wished to god that he had a book, but he had left all his others at Tom's place in New York. All there was left to do was just to sit here and wait until morning.

"Jess! Jess, wake up and come inside," Luke stood over his nephew, his face impassive. Sure, the kid was a jerk, an asshole that Luke just wanted to shake the living crap out of sometimes, but he was family. And what a great, goddamn family the Danes' were.

"Wha-" Jess stiffened, rubbed his eyes' in annoyance and glared up at the person who had just awakened him. "What do you want?" He scowled at his uncle, who glared back at him and sighed.

"Look, you can stay here and freeze your ass off for all I care like you attempted to the first night you came here or you can repeat yourself and come inside," Luke faced down Jess' stare and returned it tenfold.

"I'm sorry, but did Dr. Frankenstein come here to get another body to fix up?"

"Okay, that's it! I tried, hell I even gave you some money, but you know what, you can just throw it all back in my face, because you are so –" Luke was practically yelling now, his voice echoing down the empty street.

"So what? Not that all-around nice nephew you remember from two years ago…" Jess shot back.

"No, so goddamn stubborn that you can't accept help from anybody and you have to go and try to fix everything! Wow… wait in your own words, you're practically a clone of me! Well, isn't that just swell. I guess I did my job after all!" And with that Luke stomped off down half a block to the diner and slammed the door shut with a clang. _Great job, just piss him off even more._ Jess rolled his eyes and stood up, cracking his neck and attempting to wake up.

He didn't even remember dozing off; he checked his watch. It was now four o'clock. Two more hours and he would be out of here, but his numb hands weren't comforted by this fact at all. The town square was still a mess of confetti, streamers and trash; _Taylor's gonna get his panties in a bunch over this._ He stumbled over something in the dark street. Sighing and reaching down, Jess discovered the foreign object to be a bag, no actually it was a purse. His heart skipped a beat; _oh please god, do not let it be..._It was. He checked the wallet inside. Rory Gilmore. He was standing in the middle of a deserted street, holding his ex-girlfriend purse complete with credit cards, driver's license, and…a book. Jess examined it, The Portrait of Dorian Grey. _Ah, so she was going through her Wilde phase again._ He glanced around, _Isn't this just the least suspicious thing to be doing_, and headed off in the direction of the Gilmore house, leaving his duffel bag on the bench.

After a couple of minutes, Jess was standing awkwardly in front of the worn house, debating what exactly to do. God, the place brought back memories of them together, but he shrugged them off. She might be inside anyways if she hadn't already gone back to Yale or Harvard. He was never actually sure of which one she had chosen. Jess stuffed the purse into the mailbox and closed it. Turning away, he paused and reached in, taking the book with him back to the bus stop.

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Hope I stayed in character.


	3. Coldplay Mornings

**Author's note:** another update...I really attempted my hardest to stay in character and I think I did a good job. There will be one more chapter in this timebefore I jump to further ahead in the gilmore universe. Hope you enjoy reading as always...and comments help inspiration so keep them coming : )

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything...as usually

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Rory opened her eyes to silence. She had no recollection of any dreams, how she had gotten home, or what exactly had happened the night before. Laying against her pale blue pillow, she stared out the window in ignorant bliss, lost in the moment of the present. Reality came crashing down to soon; her toes began to curl from the frigid, still air that the broken heater had failed to warm overnight. _I feel like I'm in a Coldplay video_; she sat up, her legs still scrunched up from lying in an awkward position for a couple of hours. Her thoughts raced back to Jess. _Why did I just stand there? And do nothing?_

"A nickel for your thoughts and maybe some coffee…" Lorelai appeared in her doorway, waving a mug which contained a very tantalizing appeal to her daughter's senses.

"Yes, thanks," Rory said, reaching for the cup, "but you can take the four cents back, I only needed a penny."

"Hmn, well you seemed a bit lost there."

"Yeah, just a rough night I guess."

Lorelai nodded, racking her mind for exactly what had happened to her daughter. "Anyways, come on…there's food where this came from, I went to Luke's," Lorelai said, gesturing to the bags behind her on the kitchen table.

"My hero…" Rory forced a smile and plopped on a chair to began sifting through one of the bags. Lorelai, who was not much for silence, decided to attempt to learn at least a little information of what had happened.

"So…last night, after you got ice cream, where'd you go? I had to deal with the grumpy bear at the diner alone."

Rory opened a Styrofoam package, took a whiff and frowned, "Sorry, Davy Crockett, but did you get this stuff last night?"

Lorelai raised one eyebrow, "How dare you question my survival skills? I brought food. What happened to 'my hero..'?" Rory glared disapprovingly at her mother's mock imitation of a damsel in distress. "Sorry, geeze," Lorelai muttered, "I didn't know there were so many bears in Connecticut."

Rory grinned a little and went back to looking for something edible, "Luke's off his game again. What happened?"

Lorelai shrugged, "I don't know what was wrong with the man. He just shoved the stuff in my face and grunted. I needed someone to translate for me."

Rory gave up searching and looked up at her mother, "Well, Kirk could have attempted to speak man for you."

Lorelai rolled her eyes, "He speaks his own language anyways. Come on…let's go and see if Al's decided to serve breakfast again."

"I can't really remember the last time that happened," Rory stood up and entered her room to change out of last night's clothes.

"It was long ago….," Lorelai mimicked an announcer, "The year was 1998. The town Stars Hollow. The morning started out like any other…" Rory sighed and quickly changed into jeans and an old Harvard sweatshirt. By this time, Lorelai had managed to almost finish her flashback, ending with Taylor diffusing a pancake bomb while Mrs. Patti and Babette in matching Bond girl outfits fought Al when Rory interrupted.

"Have you seen my purse?"

Lorelai responded by grabbing the purse off the couch and dangling it in front of Rory's nose, "Yep, kiddo. Found it in the mailbox. You've got a guardian angel watching out for you." Rory grabbed it appreciatively and slung it over her shoulder. "Personally, I think it's kind of creepy," Lorelai commented, "I mean someone watching you every second. I can call Jesus and tell him to sick Monica and Tess on him for you." Rory replied by exiting the room via the front door. "What's up with you?" Lorelai called after her daughter, following her outside, "You never used to be afraid of 'Touched by an Angel' jokes. It was the stalker part, wasn't it; too retro '70s slasher reference. I'll tone it down a bit." Rory folded her arms and grit her teeth in the biting wind. Lorelai fell silent and felt it best to let her daughter sort out her turbulent thoughts on her own.

They had just entered the town square when Rory slowed to a stop, staring at the object still resting halfway down the block. "What is it?" Lorelai followed her daughter's gaze, "Oh, wannabe-rebel-boy's car."

"Nothing, I just thought he would have moved it by now," Rory replied, picking up the pace again. Lorelai followed, pausing periodically to glance back at the car which was now surrounded by small crowd headed Taylor, whose shouts could barely be heard over the wind.

"Hey, look…I think Taylor's attempting sign language," Lorelai elbowed Rory, who continued walking. Rory murmured and stuck her hands in her pockets. By the time they reached Al's Pancake World, Lorelai was about ready to scream. "Okay, listen kiddo. This has got to stop. Tell me what's up and stop me from pulling up Godfather III references from my memory." Rory sighed as they found a table and tried to think of the simplest answer to get her mother off her back.

"I don't know. Jess talked to me finally, I guess."

Lorelai waited, "That's it. What did he say?"

Rory mused on the thought for a while, "That he wanted to talk to me…and I didn't let him."

"Well, good," Lorelai encouraged, "Don't even give him the opportunity."

Rory glanced up, "I thought you hated him, but that's a little harsh."

"Whatever, Luke told me some of the things Jess had said to him, so I went and told the guy to take a hike. God, that kid," Lorelai shook her head at the memory, "He even had the nerve to try to bring you up." Rory glanced up in surprise to which Lorelai caught none of.

"Well, I just don't want to run into him again," Rory forced herself to say.

"Well, don't worry; he's gone. Luke said he left on the bus this morning."

"Oh," Rory said quietly.

"Yeah, but anyways what have you decided to stuff your face with?"

"I think I'm just going to get a muffin."

"Oh come on," Lorelai said, "No moo shu pork?" Rory shook her head.


	4. Fabric Softener And Missing Things

**Author's Note:** Thanks to all who continue to suscribe/review. I would especially like to thank Literatiandnaleyforever who has continued to be faithful in reviewing lol. This is another filler chapter before we jump to the actually story which will have much longer chapters, it's just kinda frustrating me, having to set up the story before I actually get to it. But I will try to be more prompt with updates.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything as usual.

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Jess slumped uncomfortably in the bus seat and shifted his position as if to get a better view of Oscar's words sprawled out in front of him. But he couldn't concentrate, not when he had left them both hanging in the balance, left her again. He stared out the window at the darkening skyline and the approaching city of neverending streetlights and crumbling sidewalks. He wanted to be back in Stars Hollow, which was ironic because he knew it would kill him. He wanted to see her and explain everything, tell her what his problem was if he even didn't know what it was himself. But it was too late for that. That ship had sailed and he was left alone again. Just like she was. He wondered about her often, mostly during nights with his 3 A.M. cigarette, staring at the metal sculptures of the fire escapes outside Tom's apartment. But it was stupid. Moving on would have been easy for him. It had always been easy for him. Pick up his broken pieces and bail whenever he felt like it. She hadn't let him. She wouldn't let him. Somehow he knew that Rory would always be in the back of his head, curled up with a book.

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"Mom."

"That's my name," Lorelai retorted, snatching a handful of Fritos and jellybeans and shoving them into her mouth.

"Where's the Snuggle?"

Lorelai sat up from the couch. "What makes you think I would buy that creepy teddy bear's laundry detergent?"

Rory shrugged, "He hypnotized you into getting some."

"No way. This is prime anti-Houdini tricks Gilmore brain here," Lorelai shook her head and began poking around in the bowl of assorted junk food in front of her.

"Obviously not," Rory said, lifting the container from the back of the shelf.

Lorelai half-tripped off the couch into the kitchen. "That's impossible. I don't remember buying that."

Rory smiled, "Well, obviously you did."

Lorelai wrinkled her nose, "What's with you and the obvious? Wait, what if he's inside my brain, controlling my every thought, motion. I've been living a lie!" She knocked the container out of her daughter's hands. "Don't touch it. It's evil!" Stooping to pick up the bottle, Rory started to smirk. An idea was forming in her head. Lorelai sensed something was off. "What are you thinking?"

"Oh, nothing just what to get you for Christmas," Rory continued smirking at her idea.

"What?" Lorelai questioned, raising one of her eyebrows.

"A reproduction of that bear in the commercial." Lorelai threw up her hands in mock terror.

"If you do, I will kill you with my cooking skills."

"Too late. Hey, have you seen my book?" Rory begin glancing around the kitchen, trying to disperse that nagging feeling of something missing in the back of her mind.

"Nope. You always read too many to keep track of. I think you should get one of those GPS systems to find your books so that…" Lorelai hinted at her oncoming, trademark rambling speech that had been inherited through the Gilmore family through generations

"Nevermind," Rory cut her mother off, "So we're doing Dancing in the Rain tonight right?"

"Gene Kelly, you're my hero!" Lorelai ushered her into the living room.

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Jess quietly shut the chipped door of the apartment behind him and flung his pack on his bed. Tom shifted in his sleep and murmured. The rest of the guys all had night shifts so it was no surprise to him that Tom and only Tom was there. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he had actually seen Tom awake. Shifting through a pile of papers in the corner, most hand-written scribbles of notes only he could understand, Jess yanked out a job application and stared absent-mindedly at the blanks in the page. If he was going turn his life around, it was going to be for her and only her. Rory Gilmore. That goddamn conscience in the back of his head personified. He knew if she had never been in his life, he would have died a long time ago, simply given up and dropped dead in the gutter. Sighing, Jess pulled a pen from beneath his mattress and began to fill out the application.

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Thanks for reading!


	5. White Ceilings And Awkward Silences

**Author's note:** Here's another chapter...we've jumped two years ahead in time...hope you enjoy and thanks to all that continue to read and review. I haven't watched GG in a while because our reception has been screwing up so I apologize if anything's too OOC.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything...but I would like a cup of coffee from Luke's.

_**2 Years Later...**_

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_"Don't say no just to make me stop or to make me go away. Just say no if you really don't wanna be with me."_

_"No!"_

Rory Gilmore woke up to a perfectly smooth ceiling. It was the antithesis of her crumbled, dot-ridden surface at her mother's house. It had character, a comfortable, familiar feeling; this was blank, smooth, devoid of emotion. Rory sighed and lay there, her hair curling around her head like a halo of brunette leaves. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. Losing herself in thoughts of nothingness, just a pool of empty white. Dreams rarely came to her at night now despite their free-flowing nature at Yale. If they did choose visit her in this Rapunzel's tower, they were nightmares of regret and nostalgia, staying subconsciously in the back of her mind until she drowned out the white noise with booze or Logan, or some odd combination of the two. But she had chosen this life; that's what hurt the most.

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Jess Mariano stared dizzily ahead at the repeating snippets of white line that ran parallel to his rear view mirror. An early frost had began to ebb the life out of the stretched trees of Connecticut, periodically causing a whirlwind of leaves to sweep past Jess' glaring vision. He blinked suddenly, waking from his staring slumber and focused his eyes on the approaching sign. Stars Hollow. He was coming back to see Luke…and her. But the latter, he pushed back in the confines of his brain as not to jinx the whole situation. Time had passed, he hoped, so everything was water under the bridge. But damn it, it didn't help anything if he had sat on that same bridge with her.

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"Rory?" Emily shifted in the antique velvet chair and formally faced her grand-daughter, "I was wondering how the planning for that upcoming D.A.R. event is coming along."

Rory met her gaze, "Fine, grandma. I talked to the caterers yesterday and they said they'd bring by some samples this afternoon." Emily nodded and continued to sip robotically from her cup. Rory just stared at the plain white ceiling.

"Have you planned the guest list?" Emily focused her stare towards Rory once again. Rory blinked, attempting to break the trance and process exactly what her grandmother had just said.

"I'm sorry; what did you say?" She stumbled over the words, her tongue feeling foreign to her mouth, "I mean I was just making a mental check-list to make sure I remembered everything. Thank you again for reminding me." Rory added the last couple sentences on a whim, hoping to give the appearance that she had been paying attention. She didn't want to imagine Emily's wrath otherwise.

Emily nodded, "Hmn, yes. Well, it's almost about time for lunch so I will go check and see what is taking Sarah so long. This is the third maid this week. No good help in Hartford anymore as I've been saying for years already."

Rory smiled faintly and stood from her chair as her grandmother left the room. Wrapping her arms around her thin frame, she wandered around the living room as if to further wake herself up. But she still felt numb; the white ceiling could swallow her thoughts up again at any time. Rory found herself by the fireplace, staring at a photo of her and Lorelai taken years ago. They were both laughing at something beyond the camera, but Rory couldn't remember anything about the incident. She felt strange not talking to her mother for, what was it, three months now. She wondered if this was how normal kids felt all the time, minimal contact with their parents, immersed in school. Well the last part wasn't true. At least, about her anyways. Rory touched the side of the silver frame with her finger, hoping for some faded memory to reappear. Nothing did.

"Rory?" Her grandmother sung from the dining room, "Lunch is ready."

"Coming… Grandma." Rory turned, lingering at the mantle for a second before heading towards the dining room. She vowed not to look up at the ceiling.

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Jess pulled into the spot behind Luke's, stopping to take a moment to just sit. Nostalgia had always accompanied this place, which tortured and enticed him. He knew the true meaning of "bittersweet" and had known for what seemed like an eternity. Letting out his bottled air, he flipped the ignition off and cracked the car door. A faded grumbling added itself to the silence until a metal door came flying open.

"I told you, Caesar; Do not separate the trash into paper and the plastic ….No, I do not care what Taylor said, if he wants it done so badly he can do it himself," Luke angrily heaved a garbage bag into the dumpster.

"Need some help there?" Jess spoke up, now leaning against the sidedoor, head cocked with interest. Luke jumped at the sound of his voice.

"Jesus, you scared me," Luke faced his nephew, "So what brings you here? You sounded good on the phone last month."

"Yeah, well, I thought I'd come up and visit for a day. That's what nephews do, right? Leech off their uncles?" Jess smirked at his uncle who grinned back at him.

"It's no problem. Come on in; the place is basically empty." Luke gestured to the door. Jess nodded and shifted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. He followed Luke through a tiny hallway through the kitchen and into the diner. Jess stopped short behind the counter and paused. Damn, this place was exactly the same. He halfway expected Lorelai and Rory in the corner, Rory with her blue eyes playfully glancing at him.

"This place still looks the same," Jess stated, not sarcastic, but not pleased either.

"Yeah, well Lorelai is trying to convince me to get matching chairs or something," Luke said, fiddling with objects under the counter.

"She's still got you whipped, huh?" Luke sputtered at his nephew's comment and turned slightly red.

"No… just you know how she is," he muttered and stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans.

"Huh," Jess commented. Luke gritted his teeth at the awkward situation and attempted to change the conversation.

"So, have you talked to Rory lately? She still asks about you." Luke almost kicked himself for bringing up that subject. He tensed, unsure of Jess' reaction.

"Nope. It's pretty much still crash and burn with us," Jess said quickly. He moved to open his bag. "But the real reason why –"The diner door tinkled and swung open and Lorelai appeared.

"Luke, coffee now!" She sang to the world, grinning until slowly turning solemn at the sight of Jess.

"No more today. You'll kill your liver." Luke said to her, not noticing her obvious change in expression.

Quick as a whip, Lorelai turned back to him, "What does caffeine have to do with the liver?" Luke sighed and opened his mouth when Caesar's shouts interrupted him.

"He's going through our garbage again," an exasperated Caesar appeared from the kitchen.

"Damn it, Taylor," Luke grumbled, "Um, Jess can you cover for two seconds? I'm heading out again" And with that, he vanished out the door towards the dumpster.

Jess opened his mouth to reply and then shut it quickly. He lifted the strap over his shoulder and laid the bag on the linolenum floor, feeling Lorelai's stare on him the whole time. He grabbed the coffee pot off the counter, flipped a cup right-side up in front of Lorelai and filled the mug. "Quick service…I'm impressed; Are you going to succeed Luke in the reign of diner-kings?" Lorelai quipped.

"Well, I would, but being the dark, mysterious rebelling Robin Hood sounds much more interesting," Jess countered. He leaned uneasily back against the counter, pressing his palms flat against the surface. "Do you want anything else?"

"Nope," Lorelai piped and swung her legs awkwardly over the stool to face Jess. He inhaled sharply and let the air out lazily. Lorelai oddly didn't intimidate him anymore and he suddenly felt at ease under her presence, but the silence didn't help anything.

"So I see that dating my uncle has caused you to inherit the Danes' dreaded monosyllabic disease?" Jess asked, raising one eyebrow and facing her head-on.

"Well, yes….I think it was sexually transmitted." Jess grimaced and closed his eyes.

"And thank you for that wonderfully painted picture," he muttered.

"Just call me the next Picasso." Lorelai grinned, and then went back to staring at her feet. Jess relaxed back into his previous position as Lorelai periodically fiddled with her purse. The awkward silence was becoming unbearable to the point that Jess wanted to say anything, which was rare, even for him.

"Look…" Jess began just as Lorelai blurted out, "Uhh…" They both stopped and stared at each other.

"You first…" Lorelai gestured. Jess rolled his eyes and cleared his throat nervously.

"Look…I know I'm not your favorite person…" Lorelai coughed. "Okay, fine your least favorite person. The point is you're engaged to my uncle, which means I'm going to have to come the wedding…if I'm invited, and I'm not some punk trying to break Rory's heart anymore so can we just kind of leave all that shit in the past?" Lorelai raised her eyebrow to which Jess shrugged, "Okay, fine… 'stuff' in the past?"

"Okay, I won't try to kill you anymore; I'll just try to break a couple of bones," Lorelai said, and pushed her cup towards him, "Now more coffee?"

Jess rolled his eyes once again, "Fine; but if Luke asks who gave you coffee, say Caesar."

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Thanks for reading!!!


	6. Coffee, Sitting And Published Books

**Author's Note:** Special Thanks to Literatiandnaleyforever and Curley-Q who continue to be continuous in their reviewing despite the 12,000 other stories in this category. It makes me feel good that I can at least keep 2 people entertained, way better than zero. Umm...for the moment I'm kinda feeling uninspired so I'll probabbly keep updating randomly until I have time to sit down and attempt to form an overall plotline with an ending.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything except for a need for the next Heroes episode.

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"Taylor, what the hell are you doing?" Luke snapped at the man, who he personally felt should to be locked up in a mental hospital somewhere.

"Well, hello to you too, Luke. I was just noting the hazardous breaking of town codes and being town select-man I felt it was my duty to-" Taylor straightened his back in preparation to lecture. Luke sensed this and immediately opened his mouth.

"Just save it, Taylor. So help me God, one day you will get hit by a bus and this town will finally be the happiest place on earth. Hell, Walt Disney will rise from the grave and build another amusement park, this time in Stars Hollow," Luke threw his hands up in frustration and burst back into the diner, slamming the metal door behind him. When he appeared from behind the curtain, he was completely thrown off by the fact that his soon-to-be wife and nephew were actually talking.

"But hazelnut is totally over-rated, I mean, combining two nut-like substances, coffee beans and hazelnuts? Whoever thought up that combination should be severely punished," Lorelai grimaced at the memory of the bitter-tasting coffee.

"I never thought that the queen of coffee would actually dislike anything that had the word "coffee" in it," Jess raised his eyebrow. Luke approached cautiously, unsure of the whole situation.

"Wow, you guys are talking in full sentences for a change," Luke said, still trying to wrap his head around whole concept.

Lorelai brightened, "Oh yes and we were discussing your favorite topic in the whole world!"

"Which would be?" Luke folded his arms.

"Coffee!" Lorelai piped. Luke focused his gaze on Jess, who shrugged innocently.

"What?"

"Nevermind," Luke muttered.

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Rory sat at the desk in her room, contemplating which would be more boring: sitting there or actually trying to plan the D.A.R. function. She knew that her grandmother was treating the whole situation as her granddaughter's "big break" into the world of tea parties and gatherings, but somehow Rory was okay with that. She just didn't have the will to resist it anymore. Tapping her fingers impatiently on the desk, Rory debated whether writing a pro or con list would help her decide. Ironically, looking back, she hadn't made any pro or con lists since the whole yacht incident. She hadn't thought about moving in with her grandparents or quitting Yale. She had just done it. Maybe that's why the future felt uncertain, unplanned. It scared her a little bit; this was the real world, not Stars Hollow. Rory bit her lip. Stars Hollow. She hadn't thought about that place for a while, which was odd. Her memory wouldn't let her. She called it "letting go and moving on," but she knew she was starting to forget. Abruptly, her cell phone began to vibrate on the desk. Rory stared at the device until it fell off the table, startling her from her thoughts. Picking it up, she glanced at the caller I.D. _Logan._

"Hey," she said cheerfully, despite feeling as manufactured as her conversations with her mom.

"Hey, Ace. I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight," Logan's voice echoed in her ear.

"Uh, sure; I need to get away from this D.A.R. stuff anyways, it's driving me insane," Rory shook her head in frustration.

"Yeah, um well I have a favor to ask…" Logan sounded guilty.

"Sure, what is it?" Rory chirped, and then rolled her eyes in disgust at her own high-pitched voice.

"I crashed my Porsche. It's in the shop." She could hear Colin and Finn's laughter in the background. "And Colin and Finn seem to think it's pretty funny. Shut up, guys…And so since I've got that business trip tomorrow I would like to hang out with you …"

"Sure, I can drive; it's really no problem," Rory replied, trying not to scream.

"And Colin and Finn as well," Logan continued.

"Oh, they're coming too?" Rory questioned, disappointed at the fact she thought her boyfriend was actually trying to be romantic.

"Yeah, if that's okay, Ace?" Logan asked.

Rory sighed and then replied, "Yeah, don't worry about it; what time?"

"9ish. Oh shit…Colin just broke something. I've got to go. Love ya, Ace." _Click._ Rory tossed the cell phone onto the desk. She really liked Logan, just sometimes he could be so…Rory relaxed her shoulders and focused her gaze on the table. D.A.R. She needed to go over the guest list, call the caterers to change something on the menu. Sighing, Rory leaned back in her chair. Sitting won in the end.

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After Lorelai had left and the diner was nearly empty, Luke immediately pulled Jess behind the curtain. "So how did that happen?"

"What?" Jess said, nonchalantly.

"Talking to Lorelai. I thought I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone or something," Luke grilled.

"What? Your nephew and girlfriend can't have conversation?" Jess smirked, "Geeze, I didn't know. Sorry, I'll stop if it bugs you that much."

Luke threw up his hands, "Now you're just being sarcastic. It's fine, do whatever you want; just know that I warned you."

"Trust me, we're not going to be skipping around holding hands anytime soon," Jess retorted.

"Well, at least it is a first step towards something," Luke muttered and entered the diner.

"Anyways, the reason I came here in the first place was…" Jess followed him and reached into his bag on the floor, "that I wrote a book." He shoved the object into Luke's hands. Luke just stared at it. "Okay, remind me not to tell you when I win the lottery or get married."

"Wow," Luke blurted out, "I mean, wow…"

"Ladies and gentlemen, Luke Danes is speechless," Jess announced to the now empty diner, "which only happens about once every other minute."

"This is really great, Jess," Luke said, "Who would have ever thought? No offense, by the way."

"I didn't think I could have done it either," Jess replied.

"I don't read much, but I guess I'll have to read this, won't I?" Luke said, setting the book on the counter.

"Yeah, well I'm trying to get into a couple of local bookstores around and about…" Jess shrugged.

"If Andrew doesn't do it, I swear to God…" Luke joked.

"You might want to read it first," Jess suggested.

Luke nodded, "I'll do that."

Jess smiled back weakly and glanced at the clock, "Well, I've got to head out. I'm meeting a… store-owner in Hartford." Both men stood awkwardly before Jess offered his hand. Luke silently pulled him into a hug, which Jess didn't even attempt to resist.

After letting go, Luke looked Jess proudly in the eye and said, "Good luck." Jess smirked and turned towards the backdoor. "Hey Jess?" Luke said.

Jess hesitated and faced his uncle, "Yeah?"

"Tell her to come back," Luke replied, "Lorelai isn't the same without her."

Jess nodded in understanding and stepped out the back door.

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Thanks for reading!!!


	7. Waiting for a Meeting

**Author's Note:** Okay…after much planning, I think I have figured out where this is going. College applications are being a female dog, so updates may become sporadic and small so I apologize to my small audience. I typed this chapter up this week, and I dunno, it seemed like my writing was off. Anyways, I hope its not to corny or anything.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything, and I took some dialogue from the let your baliakkas episode.

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"Logan, just stop…" Rory lightly removed her boyfriend's hand from her stomach. Two hours at Mike's Bar had gone by drudgingly slow and Logan was being a dick as usual. Colin and Finn did nothing to help the situation, except laugh at Logan's gestures. Their laughter was starting to give her a headache and the neon lights of the sign of the bar were starting to blind her.

"Okay, Ace…another round?" Logan pointed at her and raised his eyebrow suggestively. He had a drunken glow that Rory couldn't look away from; she was attracted and repulsed at the same time. She bit her lower lip as Colin and Finn looked anxiously awaiting their fate. Drunken grins plastered on their faces, like ventriloquist dolls on some antique stage. The room began to spin, lights blurring and flashing.

"Sure, go for it," she muttered. The boys let out a cheer and Logan motioned to the waitress, who immediately appeared out of nowhere with a platter full of glasses. Rory blinked hard and closed her eyes, losing herself in her own senses. She had only taken one shot. The alcohol in her system was not enough to cause this crumbling reality. Crying or screaming as loud as she could felt like the only way to relieve this…whatever it was. But she kept silent, watching her boyfriend and his friends waste the night away.

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Jess pulled the car to a stop across the street from the Gilmore mansion. At least, it looked like the Gilmore mansion. He couldn't remember what it had looked like from the last time he had been here. Only bits and snatches mixed with angry and hurt, broken trust. _"You got it from a fight with Dean, didn't you? Don't lie to me, Jess…" _Past conversations echoing against pale streetlights and broken moonlight.

He sighed and pressed his forehead against the steering wheel. What was he doing here? What was he trying to prove? Hell, he didn't even know if she was even home. Jess reached over to glove compartment and checked the creased, tattered map of Connecticut again. Yep, this was definitely rich grandparents' estate homes material. Here he was, without a plan, without any sense of the future. Reaching into his pocket for a cigarette, Jess settled into a seemingly comfortable position, waiting….for what? Retribution, a second chance, fate, destiny? "No," Jess whispered. He was waiting for her.

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Rory pulled the car to a stop in front of Logan's apartment just as Colin and Finn decided to attempt to jump out. Slamming on the breaks sent Logan, sprawling from the passenger seat into her lap as Colin tumbled out onto the street. "Whoa there, Speed Racer," Finn cracked as Colin began rolling around in the street laughing, "We're smashed. Treat us like toddlers, be our mother." Logan moaned and sat up rubbing his temples. With another high pitched giggle, Finn slid out of the car and stumbled to help Colin stand on his feet. "We'll bill you for child support, you two have a goodnight kiss for me and Colin." Logan squinted and attempted to face his girlfriend. He placed a hand on her shoulder.

"No; Logan, you're wasted, just go get some rest," Rory said, her limbs beginning to paralyze from her insomniac tendencies. He smiled and gazed at her questioning, raising an eyebrow. She ran a hand through her bangs, "Just go inside…" Logan leaned forward, pressing his mouth to hers. Rory jerked backwards at the wincing alcoholic aroma and hit her head on the window shield.

Logan quickly pulled her closer, "I'm so sorry…sorry." His speech was slurred, dripping out of his mouth spilling out into the car. She sighed, his face seemed so concerned about her. "You're just so…so fucking beautiful, sometimes…I just don't deserve you," he continued, tipping forward towards her before catching himself. Rory stared at his comment as Logan tripped out of her car towards his apartment. Oscar Wilde and Dorian Grey. Yale. Shattering mocha eyes. Things in boxes. Crossroads. Run away. I don't deserve you. No. NO. NO.

The deepest part of Jess she had every seen was when she had stolen his copy of Dorian Grey after he had outrageously been denying to her since when they first met. She had snuck up to Luke's apartment and searched the shelf until snatching from its stuffed place behind the stack of Hemingways. NO, why was she thinking about this? Snapping back to reality, she pushed the car into drive and sped off towards home, wherever that may be.

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Jess tensed slightly when the washing burn of headlights spilled into his comfortable dosing position. His head perked up and he became caught in the few seconds of sleep alertness, not knowing his identity. The car pulled past him and into the driveway. He thought he saw a flash of coffee brunette, but Jess was wise to illusions. It was all he had been chasing his entire life. Checking again, he made sure the car had pulled into the Gilmore driveway. The glow of the cigarette was starting to burn his fingers. He flicked it out the window and stumbling, pulled himself out of the car with his bag. Strolling towards the iron gates that looked like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle had written about, Jess paused uncertain of the identity inside. He let out a sigh and pushed forward, his hands gripping the rough scared metal. It was her. She was caught off guard, attempting to grab something from inside her car. He slipped inside, an ally cat approaching cautiously. Rory leaned back, almost tripping, and turned.

Time froze into puddled seconds. Brown meeting blue. Russet meeting azure. Coffee meeting sky. Teasing, taunting, examining, probing, inquisitive, questioning eyes. Jess, she thought, the word spilling unconsciously into the air where it hung suspended between them. He forgot who he was, why he had come. All he could attempt was a grin, which melted her insides into hot glue.

"What are you doing here?" It was a question, polite, modest, not hostile in any way. Simply confusion and surprise mixed into lust and fascination. Jess shrugged, a simple gesture that Rory had missed in the last couple of years. She missed familiarity, cigarette smoke, leather jackets and books. Nostalgia gripped her chest as memories began ripping through her like ruffling pages. Rory caught herself in her knees and suddenly came surging back to reality, the rippling pond of silence. "Sorry, wow…it's just been a long time…"she muttered, her tongue feeling foreign in her mouth.

"Yeah," he spit out nervously. Goddamn it, why was he this nervous? It was Rory for Christ's sake. "I got a job…"Completely lost, Rory opened her mouth and then closed it. "Professional driveway skulker…" he continued.

Her mind snapped back, "Pays great?" She felt the illogical speech side of her brain that had been dormant kick in.

"Yeah, but the hours suck," he smirked. Rory smiled back, missing the wit that the two of them had spent long afternoons bantering back and forth. Snap back to reality. This was different, everything was different. She unconsciously tightened her fingers on her right wrist.

"What are you doing here?" She asked it again. His brain frantically searched for another sarcastic commentto throw back while the other half screamed of past memories and lackluster afternoons at the bridge.

Jess opened his mouth. "I have something to show you." He glanced up at the glaring windows of the house, staring at them like shrunken eye sockets. "Is there another place or time we could…" his voice trailed off.

"No," Rory grinned again, "No, um…my grandparents would probably hear us in the house, and uh…the pool house is being remodeled, but we could talk in there if you don't mind haphazardly hanging ceiling fans and the high you get from the paint imported from France, then sure…"

Jess smiled at her Gilmore rant. He had missed this more than he had ever thought. Them, he had missed them just being…Rory's smile settled into a complacent expression of happiness. She had never seen Jess just so….him…before. She felt the tightening of her chest as the nostalgia attacked her from every angle of her brain. They stood there, smiling like idiots, but for them it wasn't awkward, it was just them. "Yeah, I don't mind," his breath whispered, spilling words out onto the night air. Destiny…kismet. She stumbled awkwardly towards the pool house, attempting to keep her composure. She was excited for nothing, nothing had to happen. It was…Jess, her past. Her past that she had shut out for these months with D.A.R. and Logan. It could not be denied any longer. Shoving his hands in his jeans' pockets in a half-shrug, he ambled towards her gesturing into the backyard.

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Thanks for reading...reviews and advice on where to take this are encouraged and advocated by the gremlins that live in my computer...


	8. Ebb and Flow

_So wow, I haven't updated this in forever- I def. had it all mapped out and just left it collect dust in my harddrive. Since I never like to let anything go to waste, I am making it my destiny to finish this story. And not a cop-out ending either. Forgive me for my small chapters- I will try to start writing more and putting it together_

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"So this is how the other half of the Gilmore's live…" Jess commented, staring amazed at the dark structure that seemed to never end. He had never seen something of its caliber; it seemed larger than it had in past memories. Rory tensed at his voice and turned around, almost tripping over a potted fern. Jess leaned forward to catch her, but at the last moment she regained her balance and pulled back, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

"Sorry…I guess I had a little too much to drink," she said, the blush rising to her cheeks. Jess nodded, brushing the situation off as if nothing had happened. She loved and hated that about him. How he could just pick up everything and leave in the blink of an eye. Wait, what was she doing? _Get a grip, Gilmore; stop living in the past._ "It's open, I think," she whispered, breaking the silence by gripping the door handle to the poolhouse.

"Huh," Jess muttered, and she almost lost her balance. The familiarity of the whole situation could not be more ironic. Here she was, Rory Gilmore, at the age of 21, acting like she was 16 again, stumbling around awkwardly around in front of a 22 year old, who had been the one to make her stumble in those teenage years. She stepped inside and flipped the light switch. A dull shine from the corner jerked to life.

"Sorry, they're supposed to do the lighting tomorrow," Rory said, shrugging. Jess nodded again in his silent aura and glanced around, examining his surrounding, hands still caught in his pockets.

"I keep thinking I'm going to see Orson Welles strolling around, muttering "Rosebud" over and over again," he muttered, sidestepping into the empty whitewash room. Rory smiled slightly and awkwardly resisted the urge to wring her hand to calm her nerves. Jess peeked out the window, examining the distance from the house, "So I guess you live a pretty private life now? Far enough from the grandparents?"

Rory stepped closer to him, "No, I actually have to go out to get away from them. So no late nights blaring the Clash on the radio anymore."

Jess grinned, remembering Luke's late nights rants over Joey Ramone in the background "I think it was me who had that problem. And actually, it was the Ramones."

Rory pursed her lips together, "Then was it, Lane, who liked the Clash? I haven't talked to her in a while…" Her voice traveled off and she looked at Jess, hoping he'd fill in the blanks.

"I haven't seen her, so I wouldn't know," he said succinctly and gave a half-shrug. Rory nodded and bit her bottom lip, regretting severed ties, missed phone calls and emails. "But anyways…" he began nervously, yet it came off as indifference, "I brought something to show you." She reveled in the fact that he couldn't hide his panicked expressions from her. She knew Jess could read her like Charles Bukowski and she could only read him like Ernest Hemingway: she sometimes knew what was going on, but other times she was completely in the dark. He yanked a book out of his bag and thrust it into Rory's hands, as if it burned him like fire.

"The Subsect?" she muttered, confused. Was this some book they had shared some connection to, that she had forgotten. The cover was a simple black, no cover art, title in white, no other identifying marks. "By Jess Mariano…" Rory finished, not able to comprehend the author's identity. Then, everything came crashing together. "You wrote a book?"

"It's nothing much. I mean I showed it to a couple of guys at some independent press…and they decided to publish it…" he muttered. But it was too late. She had already disappeared into her reading mode, her fingers itching to turn the pages, to devour every word as if she had written them herself.

"You wrote a book," Rory whispered, lifting her head and meeting his gaze. He stared back, hopeful, nervous, confident, confused. The same expression from Sookie's wedding years ago, waiting for her reaction. But she turned back to the book, timid and shy. "Jess, this is really amazing. I mean…I always knew you could…" The overload was too much, she had lost the ability to speak.

"Yeah, it's not the next Ayn Rand or anything," he joked and she swatted him on the shoulder with the book. They were teenagers again, lost in their own world.

She smiled, a kitten smile. He stared back. There was a sort of sadness in her eyes, just as she could see the unfurling edges of his soul behind brown. "No, it's great. Really great. I'm proud."

"I couldn't have done it without you." She melted again. Electricity was roasting the air between them in merry-go-round, Ferris wheel dizzyness. It seemed as if their lips were magnets, both bodies holding desperately back, with water building behind the dam.

Rory took a step back, "Thank you." The moment vanished with her step backwards and then they were just two old friend in a scruffy unpainted room. He seemed to be relieved, but there was a deep pain beneath the leather jacket that Rory could see, drifting like cigarette smoke.

"Well, I just wanted to give you that book…and just see how you were doing," Jess smirked, but it was bitter and he desperately felt the itch for a cigarette.

"Oh…" was all Rory could manage. Jess nodded and gestured towards the door. The pool outside was black and motionless. He wondered if anyone would notice if he sunk to the bottom and never came up. He was stupid for doing this, for believing anything would happen.

"So I guess I'll make my way out so we don't wake up the dead," Jess said, gripping for the doorknob. Rory lowered her head.

"You can't stay? Just this once?" She made contact with his eyes this time. Pleading and desperate. There was Logan….but there was Jess, right in front of her, broken like she had done to him. God, she felt so stupid, so weak and useless.

She was about to say something, but he jumped in, "Sure." The silence blossomed like a flowering vine, snaking around them. "I've got some bookstores I can talk to about stocking my book." He stuck his hands in his pockets. Rory smiled softly. "What?"

"When I see it in a bookstore, I'm going to go right up and stick a note about how amazing it is and but it in the recommendations section, so that when people…" He could feel a Gilmore rant coming on and couldn't help, but grin. He had missed this.

"Read it first, and then you can see what you think." He was humble, she had rarely glimpsed that in the few years that she knew him. It was different, but it was still disguised in that Jess Mariano smoothness, smoother than the L.A. weather. "Dinner tomorrow around 8?" He shrugged.

She nodded, "Tomorrow." He slipped out and was gone. Rory felt some sort of sad longing in the depths of her heart, stepping out onto the patio as the black water began to lap against the sides of the pool.


End file.
